Positive Thinking for Losers

Dedicated to @wholegrainlofat I’m an asshole and this makes me laugh. This should be the UMB commencement speech.. 

Hey. Don’t call me a bitchface. I think an online degree is the smartest decision anyone can make. Cheaper, quicker, probably consists of more useful information than my damn PhD program forced me to learn for an exam that has no relevance to my research area, and you don’t have to deal with your profs egos in person. More importantly, people love to LOL at my crappy state school degrees! I didn’t even get my damn piece of paper from UMass Boston despite paying the commencement fee lost in the mail I suppose.  

p.s. I took some telecourses in my time too and hell if I didn’t like sitting on my couch in my PJs taking notes and then falling back to sleep before sitting up and doing my reading. Its an anti-socialites dream! 

(via University of Phoenix Commencement Speech)